I am not me at all

"Nothing is true. All is permitted."
-Last words of Hassan i Sabbah X

To think that one's life is interesting enough to write about is indeed flattering. I wouldn't say though that my life was necessarily in that particular category.

For I still have a couple of nasty computer addictions to go through, a divorce or two to fight out, two filed bankruptcies, an arrest for indecent exposure and the total public annihilation of this life to bear before I can go as far as calling my life 'interesting'. Then, of course, I must tell my story on one of the myriad different television documentaries. Spill my guts, cry for the world, then put out a book called, "A Life Less Lived." (How life ruined my childhood, etc, etc.) But, alas! 'Interesting' is a multi-interpretable term! And besides, a few of you have expressed desires to know the goings on in this little atmosphere of mine, so I guess I'll elucidate.

I was born in the harsh, desert climate of cebu, philippines, where I was orphaned and taken in by a pack of hungry native dogs. Their initial intention was to have me for an appetizer before they went on their nightly suburban feline hunt, but I survived only because the leader of the pack saw potential in me as a hunter and a spreader of dog food!!! From there, our friendship was forged, and I became known as Greg of the City. They taught me the ways of the City, and I quickly became one of the pack's most vocal howlers! Hence my present day ability to sing. When I was old enough, I learned to catch house pets, insects and rodents! Which is where I got these kickin' thigh muscles!

At age 11, I began impressing the pack and local wild-life photographers with my skill in carpentry. I would build elaborate shelters for my family and I using the ever-abundant palm frawns, pieces of discarded twine and snot. And this is where my first encounter with my present cohorts in music came into play. I was the ripe age of 15, and was busy chasing a female coyote in heat down a dusty trail one afternoon, when I turned a corner and ran into the other guys in the band. They were sitting inside one of my more arty housings and enjoying it's refuge from the blistering California sun. I stepped inside and made the only noises I knew how, and tried to express to them my discontent for invading my space. They replied with fascination at my inhuman grunts, growls and wales, and asked me to be in their band, Incubus. I, of course, did not know at the time what they meant nor did I care. I simply started biting the shit out of the drummer's ass. Which is where Jose's fear of things canine comes into play.

Things eventually calmed down and I started to enjoy the fresh perspectives these boys brought into my reality. The guys came back every day after that and taught me to speak English and sing. WE began playing together about a month later when my powers of speech and wit began developing. And with my past experience in snot carpentry, I built us our first band rehearsal space! My taste for insects and things fury has not subsided. But I believe that those are just old habits dying hard. Luckily, we tour the Mid-west of America frequently where these delicacies are more appreciated and less persecuted! I have been in this, my first and only band, now for nine years, and have learned worlds about life, love, loss and humanity. It is and has been such a different experience from my roots as a wild, scavenger dog! But I have to say that I've enjoyed every minute of it.

Being in this band has shown me that any mutt can break the mold and prosper. And being the first orphan who was raised by wolves to be in a rock band reinforces that creto in me every day. Straying from the norm has done nothing but good for me in my 23 years alive this time around. And I will continue to do so in this sphere, for better or worse.

Now, does that not so brief description of my life deserve the title, 'Interesting'? Likely, not. You decide.