A Man's Guide to Understanding Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS)

Do you sometimes think your partner has been taken over by an
argumentative, emotional and unreasonable alien? Does she suffer mood
swings and depression occasionally? Do you wish you knew what was going
on and how to handle it without ending up in an argument? If so then
it’s likely that your partner suffers from PMS or premenstrual syndrome
(also called PMT or premenstrual tension).



Living with someone
who suffers from PMS can be challenging and frustrating – I know
because my partner suffers from it. I hope in this article to share
some of the things I’ve learned – what the syndrome is, what signs to
look for and how best to deal with it.

What is PMS?

A woman of child-bearing age has a monthly cycle (the menstrual cycle),
that causes her to produce an egg every 28 days or so. If the egg is
not fertilised then her body flushes it out and she bleeds (she has her
period).

In the days before she has her period, she may
experience physical and/or psychological changes. Although not fully
understood, it’s believed that this is linked to changing hormonal
levels during her monthly cycle. Sometimes the symptoms are mild, but
some women dread this time of the month because their symptoms cause
major disruption to their life.

Symptoms of PMS
While the following list of symptoms may be caused by other conditions, they are also common indicators of PMS:
• Mood swings and/or depression
• Irritability and/or aggression
• Crying for no obvious reason
• Temperamental and increased emotional sensitivity
• Excessive tiredness

She may also experience:
• Headaches or migraines
• Tender or painful breasts
• Swelling or bloating

It’s common for women with PMS to see a gradual worsening of their symptoms
during the week running up to their period, with a rapid or gradual
disappearance of symptoms when their period starts. However, for some
women, symptoms may last during their period or even for a couple of
days after it has finished.

Understanding PMS

PMS has been blamed as a significant cause for a large proportion of
relationship break-ups. Largely this is because the man doesn’t
understand what PMS does to the woman, he doesn’t know how to recognise
the signs and he doesn’t know how to react.

The important thing to remember is that she’s not behaving that way deliberately! In fact,if she could change it, she would. My partner hates the way she behaves
when she has PMS, because she’s not in control of her emotions. I know
how that sounds to a man because we’re always in control, but think of
a time when you’ve been so angry with someone that you’ve snapped at
someone else – my partner explains that PMS is like the person that
makes her so angry.

When she has PMS she is less tolerant and is likely to react to any small thing that doesn’t go her way. She’s also more likely to argue and will even push a point just to start an argument! At first I could not fathom why she would do this – she said
she loved me yet wanted to fight?!?! Slowly I began to recognise when
she had PMS and was showing the symptoms of irritability, mood swings
and increased emotion. It’s not that she wanted to fight, but she was
so emotionally wound up that it was just a reaction to how she felt.

Living with PMS
So how do you live with someone who has PMS without wanting to kill them?! Here are some tips I’ve learned:

1.Learn to count!
Yes, I’m serious – the cycle happens about every 28
days so remember when the last PMS episode occurred then calculate when
it’ll happen again. Mark it on a calendar if necessary but trust me,
counting the days is the easiest & most reliable method.

2.Recognise the signs.
If your partner does not usually show any of the
symptoms listed above, and then suddenly she does (without any other
reasons), then there’s a good chance she has PMS. So paying attention
to her moods and knowing when they change can be a useful indicator of
her state of mind.

3. Ask her!
If she tells you that she’s
suddenly very tired or is feeling irritable, then saying to her “are
you due for your period?” would be a reasonable and acceptable
question. In fact she’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re
willing and able to talk about it with her.

4. Understand whatshe needs.
When she has PMS she feels bad enough already without
needing to feel guilty for her behaviour, so don’t escalate the
situations into arguments. Try to smooth things over, tell her you
understand she’s not herself and re-assure her that you still love her
no matter what.

It’s important for a woman to know that her
partner has accepted PMS as a very real thing and that the symptoms
will happen every month. If he’s ready to accept that and will find
ways to deal with it then she’ll appreciate his support and the
relationship will benefit.

In conclusion, PMS is a very real
phenomenon for the majority of women and is responsible for a variety
of symptoms that can affect moods and feelings. PMS can have
detrimental effects on relationships but understanding it can help
couples overcome the problems and build a stronger bond. Especially if
you’ve both talked about PMS and you’ve taken the time to understand
how it affects her.

Learn and Understand is the key...